I’ve been cheating on my husband and I hate myself for it.

Now, let me explain. He knows about everything and he tells me that he is perfectly fine with it. It’s not physical cheating.

Our sex life isn’t the greatest. He is extremely vanilla and I’m pretty wild in the bedroom. He doesn’t ever want to do anything new, different, or exciting. The most crazy we get is we will do doggy. That’s seriously it. I almost NEVER get off. There is barely any foreplay or anything. It’s just boring.

So he’s agreed to let me have a PornHub account. I dirty with other men on there and watch videos. He also knows that I trade nudes with other men.

I KNOW this is wrong, but I need to be satisfied somehow and he refuses to do it. I’ve also been very different and in a very dark place since my miscarriage a few months back. That’s not an excuse, but I know it plays a hand in this to cover up how I feel about losing our baby. You all can hate me all you want, but until you’ve been exactly where I am, you’ll never understand. I have only ever been with my husband. He was my first everything. First and only boyfriend, first and only kiss, first and only lover. I missed out on a lot and I’m experiencing a little bit of it this way. My husband knows this and completely understands and is fine with it.

However, being back on this app and seeing all of these cheating posts has been a real step in the face. I’m not willing to risk everything I have with my husband for a sex rush. I’ll still watch videos, but I’m done talking to other men and stuff. My husband is truly the love of my life and I don’t want to do anything to risk losing him. I realize how stupid I’ve been. I can’t believe that I’ve stooped to this level in my marriage....