Postpartum ?

Hello ladies ❤️

So I’m not sure how to start this , I actually want to start crying as I’m writing this ..

I’m a mother of two my oldest will be one on weds & I recently gave birth who is now one month

Pls don’t bash me I’m trying to understand if I should bring this up at my next appointment or if it’s normal

I got pregnant back to back when I found out about my second daughter zaileen . I wasn’t very happy I honestly wasn’t ready I really didn’t wanna keep it but things happen the doctor said I was going to miscarriage but low and behold I didn’t so I felt it was gods way of telling me she’s a blessing .

Now once I gave birth till this day I haven’t got that connection with my oldest Leilani I didn’t either till we finally got home .

Zaileen cry’s I’m going to doctors to see if she colic it has purple crying , but she just cry’s to the point Leilani starts crying because zai cry’s as if I hurting her . I’ll burp her feed her snuggle her etc & she just cry’s for about a hour .

I’m not sure what I’m feeling I don’t feel down or like I don’t wanna get out of bed . . .

I feel annoyed with her I don’t wanna deal w her when she cry’s for a while I just wanna lock myself in the bathroom . ( I’m a stay at home mom )

Yes once my husband comes home he helps as soon gets home I tell him to take her .

Then at night when I get a second to myself I feel bad & cry bc I don’t get to give her the one on one time I was able to give Leilani ...

So question is should I tell my doctor or can anyone relate ?