So my husband and I got married a few months ago now.

Life has been actually pretty good.

I'm doing good in my classes, I've got two jobs, my husband got promoted and is earning more money.

During our honeymoon, my husband and I sat down together and had a conversation about TTC. Well, in September, we apparently had our first loss. (The post is on my glow). I finally told my family about it. I haven't felt the same since. My body just feels like I have good says and then suddenly my mind shuts down and rejects any happiness at all.

Well, we decided to have sex today. Relaxing, sensual, slow and felt good. But my mind COULD NOT stop thinking about how sad I was at the same time. I immediately thought about the sadness and pain I've been feeling since then.

We agreed today that we are taking a break from TTC, even after a short time. Like I'm happy and I'm sad at the same time.

I'm happy because I'll get to graduate, explore the world with my husband, try new things, have time to earn money, take care of myself and my dogs...

But I feel so...empty. why? What the hell is making me feel like this when I have already told myself and we arent ready to keep trying? Why do I feel this deep disappointment? This sadness? Like my mind doesn't match how my body is reacting? Can anyone explain this?