Issues with the in-laws

This situation has really been messing with my mind and I’d really appreciate some unbiased advice.

Ever since I can remember, my in-laws have had issues with me because I’m so quiet and reserved. I have tried my hardest to make sure this doesn’t come off as being snotty but they still get that vibe. I also have really bad social anxiety and they comment on my mannerisms and quietness which makes me even more uncomfortable. We try our best to visit as much as we can but my husband and I have weird work schedules and it’s hard. We have explained this to them but they still get mad and blame it on me. His brother has blatantly said that we are barely part of the family. I have also walked in on a conversation and heard them calling me controlling.

My mental health has really suffered because we had a miscarriage in February and was recently diagnosed with a condition linked to infertility. My in-laws are aware of this and my mother-in-law has reached out on one occasion. When my husband says that sometimes I stay home due to my anxiety and depression they don’t sympathize at all and consider it an excuse.

My brother in law just got engaged and he told my husband he wants him to be the best man. My other brother in laws will be standing up with their wives. They don’t want me to stand up. I understand it’s their wedding but I’m the only family member that won’t be included and it’s so hurtful and embarrassing. My husband is thinking about having a discussion with them about how I’m being treated. I’m scared that it’s only going to backfire on me. I also don’t want to take my husband away from his family and I feel terrible. But it’s getting to the point where I’m too scared to visit anymore. I really don’t know what I did wrong. I try so hard to be kind to everyone and I feel like I’m being bullied. Am I overreacting? Any suggestions or similar situations?