Severe Gender Disappointment

Hey everyone, I’m writing this as anonymous because people can be cruel when someone expresses a feeling they don’t agree with. After 2 boys, I found out today I’m having a third boy. I went alone and asked them to put it in an envelope so I could find out at home. I had a feeling it was a boy and didn’t want to experience being upset at the office. As soon as I opened the letter, I saw ITS A BOY and dropped the paper and broke into tears. ANOTHER BOY?! All I ever wanted was a daughter. Just ONE daughter, ONE child... and here I am 3 boys later and no daughter. All I hear from everyone is “praying it’s a girl this time” “hoping girl!!” People in my family are already calling it a girl even though I’ve asked them repeatedly not to do that. Not only am I disappointed, but I have to deal with everyone else finding out and also being disappointed. I can only imagine the future comments of “wow 3 boys, you have your hands full!” Or “3 boys?? Will you try again for a girl?” I don’t even know if I want to tell my husband because he won’t understand what I’m feeling or going through. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to not even bother trying for 3rd because it’s going to be another boy.

I don’t know what to do, I just want to cry myself to sleep and pretend it’s a bad dream. I think about the baby now and I’m not excited for anything. I thought of all the pain and sleepless nights and how it would be worth it for the daughter I’ve longed for. But now I have to go through it all again for a third son that I never asked for.

I feel horrible and guilty already. So if you’re going to tell me that I should just “feel happy for a healthy child cause some people can’t have any” then save it. Just because my hurt and pain doesn’t match what you think others are going through, doesn’t make my pain any less than. I grieve the daughter I’ll never have, the mother/daughter relationship I never had and hoped for one day.

I dont think there’s anything that can be done or said to make me feel better. But I wanted to write this to let others who are experiencing this know... they’re not alone.