Dont even know

For months I had thought about getting pregnant this month, November. However, my husband and I decided to wait a few more months so we can finish a 3 year project that will be ending mid 2020. So, I was sad and let down because Im 34 and weve been married 3 years now. Im a housewife, quit my job when we got married and moved to a town where we don't know anyone. Anyways, this month, like 2 days before my ovulation day we had sex that ended in withdrawal and he came just on my vagina and then fingered me with sperm all over my vagina and his hands. Then, 3 days before my period he came inside. Im supposed to get my period tomorrow. Something inside me kept hoping maybeeee just maybeeee I could get pregnant if I wish it and pray for it enough. But, right now, I just felt a tiny little cramp on one of my ovaries, so my period is probably gonna be here tomorrow.

I know I wasn't supposed to get pregnant this month anyway but I still wanted it deep down. Thank you for reading. Rant is over now.