Am i wrong?

Question

So long story short I'm married to a man who has 3 kids with the same woman. There is a history there of kid withholding abuse etc...so of course as we got married we began to create memories and milestones of our own but it seems like every milestone we have he is unable to keep in mind that he isn't 1. In a relationship with another person and 2. He needs to consider my feelings as well. For weeks we planned our courthouse wedding and the day of he doesn't wanna take pictures or be in a good mood because he says its not right without his kids. Here we are coming on thanksgiving and Christmas and its the same tune. He is unhappy.  This would be our first holidays together am I wrong for feeling like maybe he should have gotten that in order prior to being in a relationship or am I being selfish? I have no kids by the way and he is not the first person I have dated with kids. Previous partners actually had custody so I'm not concerned with the kids beinroundg

Answer

He definitely should have worked through that before, especially since it’s effecting your relationship

Answer

It’s a yes and a no from me. He definitely should’ve gotten this resolved before jumping into a relationship but then again since you two are committed, you should be supporting him and helping him through these hard times. Being without your kids in the holiday seasons sound extremely difficult and I’m sorry he’s going through that but you should be helping him and you should realize that it’s not just about you two. If he wasn’t a father then you would have the right to be selfish but those kids are and always will be a part of him and you’ll need to accept that before you get married. If he’s upset then hug him and tell him it’ll be ok. That’s what he really needs right now.

Answer

Sometimes, unfortunately, even with court ordered visitation the other parent will go against it. In those instances, you sometimes have to wait to go back to court before it can change. It can take years to resolve it. So unless you have personally been in that situation, it's hard to understand. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but wait and hope it works out. Its understandable he is upset to not experience those things with his children. Especially the marriage part. If I were ever to remarry, I'd definitely put it off if my kids couldn't be present during that time. I'd hope my partner would understand. So I say yes and no to the question you are asking. It would depend on the situation itself. I wouldn't be too upset honestly because hes going through something much harder than you right now. Unless you have kids, you cant really understand.

Answer

Poor bloke just wants to see his kids😔 Some women really are scumbags.
Tell him to take her to court she can’t do anything then if he’s the legal father he can apply for joint custody

Answer

If she is withholding the kids from him there is only so much he can do, I couldn’t imagine not seeing my kids for the holidays, my heart would break. How long have you guys been together? I think you’re being a bit selfish he has the right to be down that his kids aren’t around

Answer

If he hasn't taken any steps to get them back in his life.. then no I'm sorry I wouldn't have any sympathy.. by the sounds of it.. it's been going on for a while.. I know things are never simple but instead of feeling sorry for himself.. he should be doing all he can.

Answer

Coming from a mother who has a 6 year old. I left his biological father.. We were together for 7 years. We now co-parent. I am in a new healthy relationship & pregnant. The holidays are always hard for me & my previous child’s father. We simply switch off an on holidays. For example; last year I had our son for Thanksgiving & Christmas.. So this year my son is with his father for both holidays. It’s just something I had to agree too because my son loves both his parents & deserves time with both of us. I also understand the feeling of not having your child/ children on the holidays. I am very depressed about Christmas especially... It’s a hard thing to go through. I will say the support of my new significant other is a blessing. Without him I would feel secluded & alone. I understand how your feeling but just try to make him feel better. Listen to him when he needs you. Communication is a very big key. Goodluck

Answer

Can't feel too sorry for him since all he needs to do is take her to court, then she can't withhold the. So yeah I don't blame you for being annoyed!

Am i wrong?

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