Baby Trouble Bonding with Mommy

Has anyone ever experienced trouble with their newborn now 4 month old bonding with them? And in order to encourage that connection, you have to actively work to earn the little ones affection, need and attention?

I wrote this post as therapy for myself:

My daughter's affection is like a gentle wave - it ebbs and flow with wonderous eyes or a distant stare past the lighthouse. Finding ways to make that connection is not organic as a mother might expect. The sadness echoes across my heart wondering why with only the silence of the wave as it touches the shore. I carried you for 9 months and 3 days. I traveled to endless doctor's appointments alone often wondering how their husband was able to be there with them and secretly wishing that mine was too. I had morning sickness for 22 weeks, but things eventually got better. We took a 10-week Bradley Method course to prepare us both for your arrival. I labored at home while the kitchen was filled with comforting laughter. We welcomed you into the world the next night. When you arrived, you were just as squirmy as you were in the womb. With difficulty latching, we had your ties removed. That didn't save Mama's nipples, but at least you were getting the nutrients you needed. Before I moved to exclusively pumping in month three, I noticed that you'd cry when you see me and would cry each time I would rotate you to drink from the other breast. You would avoid eye contact with me and would look at me if I wasn't looking at you. There was a furrow in your brow but often melted when daddy came to see you. At 3 weeks for as little and as far as your tiny eyes could see, you tracked him, you instantly connected with him - something I wish I could've also been a part of. Isn't a child's love for their mother instant?