i miss drinking

i have been having a hard time with abstaining from alcohol. before getting pregnant i was a regular drinker (nothing crazy but would always drink when at dinner, out with friends, etc). when i found out i was pregnant i stopped immediately and at first i didn’t think it was too bad but i’m at 11 weeks now and i feel that not being able to have a few drinks when i’m hanging out with friends or at family gatherings is almost making me depressed. i just don’t feel like myself. i thought it would get easier but it feels like it is getting harder. i am still trying to keep my pregnancy a secret til i get through the first trimester and have been drinking nonalcoholic drinks (alcohol free wine when at home or soda water when out). i’m hoping that when i can open up and tell people i’m pregnant it will become a bit easier. anyone else feel this way? am i just a horrible person lol?