Managing families and households during the holidays

Hi mamas! How do you manage family around the holidays with your kids?

We’re sort of jumping the gun. I’m 31 weeks pregnant but due to the holidays it’s a topic of conversation that’s came up.

My in-laws are divorced and not on good terms (it’s ridiculous really it’s been years). Mother in law even made a comment that If her ex husband is in the hospital she’s not going. It came out like word vomit but I did tell her they have to figure it out. We’re all adults, we avoided a wedding (we did a private ceremony / eloped just husband and I. It was beautiful and peaceful lol) we didn’t do a baby shower, etc. but with a child involved they need to be adults and figure it out. There’s going to be birthdays and other events and I AM going to make it equal/ fair to all parties. She said her fear is last time he pulled a gun on her now husband (this was over 13 years ago) and I told her that was a very long time ago and I can assure her that if he try’s ANYTHING he will be asked to leave and if any violence is involved cops will be called. I’m not tolerating childish behavior from grown adults. She stayed quiet.

Here’s the kicker... my family hasn’t met his family either lol. We’ve been together 6 years and married for almost 3. I dont have an awesome relationship with my mom (she’s bipolar / narcissistic, manipulative, controlling etc) but it honestly comes in episodes. I’ve learned to somewhat handle her and it’s been maintained civilly - so, that in combination with they live 6 hours away from my mother in law it’s just never happened.

With me being 31 weeks pregnant and uncomfortable we decided to ditch everyone for thanksgiving and stayed home and did our own little dinner. Planning the same for Christmas and New Years. But my mother In law has already made comments “oh next year” as far as thanksgiving when obviously this hasn’t been discussed as our baby girl will be here. It’s the first grandchild for everyone... and my mother (being crazy) WILL victimize herself and make it an issue if we go to my in-laws for thanksgiving (not that I want to).

So short story long... lol, how do you manage different families in the holidays? Husband thought maybe host thanksgiving at our house but that just sounds like a mess in my head. They’re all opposites and their own kind of crazy and they haven’t met or seen each other in over a decade.

Mother in law is 3 and a half hours away from us & father in law / my family is 2 hours away. The thought of having to do a weekend at the mother in laws and squeeze father in law / my family into a whole day is already making me miserable. Like why should we be the ones to have to drive to each house? It’s not our fault they have their differences. (Mostly MIL/FIL)

I should add my husband and I are not very “family oriented” we’re sort of loners and do our own things, live away from them etc, since each family has their version of dysfunction and we just enjoy the peace when it’s just us. BUT again with a child involved we obviously want to be “team players”.

Husband said maybe one house every year and we rotate? Just sucks it would be 3 years before the first house came around (even though we’ll make trips throughout the year)

Again, totally jumping the gun with our unborn child but with the way they are I REALLY don’t want to start any “bad habits” that are harder to change in the long run as opposed to setting clear fair boundaries from the get.