I’m just ranting about my own stupidity

Long story short 4 1/2 months pp I got thrown off my horse. My sister in law was keeping my horse rode for me so that she wouldn’t be fresh when I did ride again. Unfortunately my horse can be a huge buttface and has to test every rider. Unfortunately I didn’t think since this was my third time back on my horse since my son was born and I had never had any problems. Which was my mess up dropping my guard. But I had always kept my rides short and close to home too. This time my hubs needed me on my horse to help move cows. Unknown to me my horse learned a fun new trick; spooking at cactus 🤬😖🙄. So I’m not very happy with myself. Now I’m not allowed to ride my horse anymore per hubs orders. He felt horrible and is terrified I’m going to get hurt if I ride her again.

I had a 3rd degree tear that I thought was doing really good. Now I’m sore all over again like I was in the beginning. I’m still riding and riding itself doesn’t hurt. Just sex running etc. I’m going to have to go to the doctor and it’s not a visit I’m looking forward too. She’s going to chew my ass up one side and down the other...rightfully.