So frustrated

I want another baby. But my bf keeps saying no more until our current two are in school. One is two, the other is one. I want 3-4 kids and I want them super close together in age and he just won’t budge. Idk. I cry at night, I cry when I’m alone, but I don’t know how to make him understand how I feel about this. I’ve tried talking about it believe me. But I can only get so far before he just jokes or laughs it off and doesn’t think I’m being serious. And I feel like I can’t get too deep into the conversation or else I’ll start crying in front of him and he’ll think I’m this baby crazy freak or something. Wtf is wrong with me 😭