Just felt the need to get this out.

After 18 months ttc, we finally got out BFP November 14th. I posted my vf BFP on one of the boards here on Glow. I was so excited it was finally my turn.

1st ultrasound at 7 weeks, baby only measured 5w5d. Doc said I either ovulated late or baby passed at 5w5d. Just had my follow up ultrasound today, should have been 8w3d from LMP or 7w1d based off last ultrasound - no baby, no heartbeat and the yolk sac was almost as big as the gestational sac. Doc diagnosed my pregnancy as a blighted ovum/missed miscarriage and I have a scheduled D&C on Wednesday.

I’ve cried a lot. Probably about 4 days in total since the 1st ultrasound because I just knew. The worst part is that we planned on telling our 5 year old on Christmas, as his last present to open that he was going to be a big brother. He’s been wanting a baby brother/sister for a long time. I guess he’ll have to wait a little longer. I have a baby shower in January that I’m selfishly not looking forward to going to. And I can’t help but think this is just not fair. However, I feel so at peace knowing finally what’s going on. That waiting game is the worst. And I’m thankful this happened earlier on, this baby just wasn’t meant to be and it’s ok. After surgery, I’m ready to jump back in the ttc world. I WILL get pregnant in 2020. And we WILL have our rainbow baby.

This is tough. And I feel kind of dumb because I honestly never thought this would happen to me. At least we know now that we CAN get pregnant, we were worried after so long trying that something wasn’t right with hubby or I.

I guess back to the General TTC Board..