Kinda sucks

So, my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship since October 8th. Almost 3 months. And yes, I do love him and I know he loves me. (Some may say that I could be too young to know love or something along those lines, but I do know lol). However, everything just seems... off. I don’t know if it’s just one of those things in relationships where it seems boring despite the strong love between them, or if something is genuinely wrong. I always trust my gut instinct, but it’s telling me that it doesn’t know.

A bit of a back story.

So I was diagnosed with clinical depression, cluster B, anxiety and insomnia about a year ago. I knew I had mental issues since 3rd grade, as I just cut myself off from everyone and felt sad all the time. Well, I had my first boyfriend in 4th-5th grade. We only dated for a few days. It was a sweet thing. Constant flirting, sharing candy packs, etc. of course he broke up with me for another girl. I was sad. But, got over it fairly quickly. First year of middle school and I dated another guy. He broke up with me after 2 months of dating saying that he only liked me for 2 weeks but stayed with me because he felt bad. Dated again and again. Freshman year, and I dated a guy for 4 months. I thought I loved him because he was showing sexual interest in me. I thought that was a key component in a relationship. That went to hell fairly quickly. Didn’t date anyone until beginning of sophomore year (I dated my ex best friends crush to get back at her for sleeping with my ex from freshman year right after him and I broke up). That relationship only lasted 3 days. Then met another guy, fairly older than me. I was 15, he was 19. Went to a mental hospital because of him and that’s where I was properly diagnosed. Went twice for little over a week in total. I tried dating other people, boys, girls, anyone. I eventually decided no more dating until I find THE person I feel is right for me. And I met my boyfriend Matthew. I was convinced I was lesbian. That no guy would date me, so why date guys? He was someone I quickly was able to open up to. He genuinely showed interest in me. Matt listened to my troubles, gave me advices, and told me that just because I got rejected and broken up with countless of times doesn’t mean I need to settle for one gender (I was bisexual/pansexual). I realized he was right. That I need to not give up on myself. Or anyone. He was flirting with me after a while, and on October 8th I gave him that chance. The best thing I ever did in my opinion. We are both 17 with him being a few months older, so he will be 18 early 2020. We FaceTime as often as possible, sleep on the phone, and continue to FaceTime and call until I have to go to school. School was rough. He helped me see how toxic my “friends” really were. Now, he isn’t controlling. But he did advise on me cutting them out of my life because of how it was affecting my school. And I did. Needless to say now I’m doing better and am happier.

Until last week.

He has this female friend. They’ve known each other for a long time. Ever since they were in school. They dated a few times in elementary but he decided that he didn’t want to anymore.

He wanted to know my thoughts on her taking him to prom. That honestly made me question myself. I know that it’s just a friendly thing, but I didn’t feel good about it. Especially because it’s long distance. I told him how uncomfortable the thought made me. And he understood and shared the same feelings. He told her no. She messaged me asking if he could go to prom with her friend. I said no because she’s a stranger. Then she asked for herself. Again, I said no. And she threw fits. Saying that he was going no matter what. That he was always lying to me and never told me the truth about anything.

That crushed me. Because we were getting to become pretty good friends. And then me saying no to her taking him to prom ruined that. I felt bad. But wasn’t changing my mind.

Everything was fine. However, I noticed slight changes. He didn’t text me as often anymore, and slowly left me on read. I didn’t say anything because I don’t want to be THAT girlfriend who questions everything. But this week he has been with his best friend Caleb. And I understand him being with his friend so not texting as much. But our conversations seem too dry. I’m starting conversation instead of him. He hasn’t continued to keep the conversation going. And now I’m in bed just confused. I don’t know if I’m just overthinking or not.