I fucked up big time. Please read and advise me

I fucked up big time. Please read and advise me

Before I even start. I know I'm 100% wrong and it's all my fault. I'm hurt and devastated so please don't remind me in the comments of what I already know (the fact that it's all my fault). I have been with my long distance boyfriend for almost 2 years. I used to study abroad and that's how I met him. We met in a country where both of us where foreigners. We went on a couple of dates then once he got back to his country, we decided to date and give it a shot. I graduated this year and I had to go back home (Africa). I come from a very conservative family. My dad was never a good person, that's mainly why I wanted to study abroad on a scholarship (my dad never helps us with finances, we do things on our own. I had to work very hard to be able to get a scholarship) once I graduated, I had no cash so I had no choice but go back home. Now I'm unemployed and being physically and mentally abused by my father. I have no penny to leave. My long distance boyfriend was always supporting me but I never told him how bad my father is because I'm ashamed of it. Lately, my boyfriend was supposed to come to my country to spend the holidays here but cancelled his flight last minute. Why? Because the past month I have been depressed and blaming my boyfriend for it. I told him that he is not trying to do something about our situation and be together. I blamed him for everything and showed no love. I know I have put a lot of pressure on him. I never meant it, but he is much older and stable. I thought he could take the initiative to do something. I'm broke, unemployed and I live miserably with my parents (it's not easy to get a job in my country. If I could, I would even wash dishes and clean tables, I don't mind,im the kind of person that would do any kind of work even I have endless degrees. I Do what available but there is really nothing available here) I can't even afford going out with friends because my dad doesn't give me pocket money. Now my boyfriend is no longer answering my texts or calls. I know I hurt him a lot but I know he loves me and I love him tremendously. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if he broke up with me. He just texted me on the day he was supposed to arrive. "I'm not coming, it's impossible. I love you". He is from the US and I live in africa. I don't know what to do. I can't lose him. He gives me a lot of love and support and power. What keep me hopeful is him. Now I don't have anything. I'm still shocked. He knows I'm a good person but I have been depressed, lonely and sad. I don't even have friends here. Moving back home after 5 years abroad in not easy. I don't have anyone

I want him back

I have around 1500$ savings from when I was a student. Literally its everything I have. I was thinking I apply for visa and if I get it I go see him. I'm not sure if that's even enough for my trip. I don't know anyone in the states to help me or host me or anything. I'm afraid I go and get lost. I'm just afraid and I don't know what to do but regardless I need to apologize and explain myself whether he wants me back or not.

Please help