Least favorite time of year

This month is always hard for me. My brother who loves Christmas died 6 years ago in December. Then I lost my first pregnancy on Christmas eve. Last year was my first Christmas with two angels. And this year I’m going to be induced right after Christmas. I’m having a rush of emotions because I just want my little man here so much so I can hold him. I feel like crying all the time because this should be the happiest time of my life but I can’t get over all the bad.