Whole new world...

Years ago, I was in an abusive relationship. We had 3 kids together.. he never let me hold my kids. Once they were fed, they were to be laid down, put in the swing, put in their crib, or down on the flood for tummy time. If I wanted to hold my babies, he’d yell at me and tell me I’m spoiling them. If they cried- I’d instantly be blamed that they only cry because I hold them so much. Which was when he was at work because I’d be scolded if I held them to snuggle or be cozy when he was home.

I just had a baby last week with a different guy, a man who holds our son just as much as I do. A man who asks me to give him the baby instead of laying him in his swing when I’m up to clean or shower.

I used to flinch and watch the clock when bonding with my babies. Now the time just runs and I get lost in cozy baby land.

I noticed myself ‘jump’ inside when my boyfriend came into the house right now.. I’m laying on the sofa, holding our son. I had this quick feeling that I was doing something wrong. But he walked over and kissed us both on the forehead while commenting on how comfy we look together.

😭😭😭😭