First break up

My bf broke up with my today, or I guess yesterday. We dated only a month. I didn’t fuck him and he realized he didn’t want to commit to me and wanted to fuck around more. This was both our first relationship and it’s sucks so much.

Honestly terrible timing overall cuz I just started to let myself go with the feelings I had for him instead of keep distance.

But yeah. I gave him a blow job cuz he guilted next into it. He’s actually hot asf and I think he just realized he can do better so once girls randomly starts hitting him up when we started dating, he didn’t take much time to leave at all.

I can’t sleep. I wish I never gave him a bj cuz I didn’t want to and I feel so gross. My 19th birthday is in a week or so. Christmas is obviously in a couple days so I have to return all his presents. Honestly he’s such a jackass and this is so out of the blue. Like fuck this hurts and we didn’t date long. Makes me want to never date again. Also idk if I mentioned this was our first relationship for the both of us.

Idk how to get through this. He me are my parents, my entire family knows about him as of tonight.

He introduced me to all his friends and coworkers and I was suppose to go to his fam Christmas party.

I work at a gym and that’s where he works out and where we met so I’ll see him and all his friends a lot. Idk. I need sm help. Idk why this is happening to me