Isolated

So I used to have super bad depression like to the point where I was planning to kill myself. That was two years ago and I think people think when I say was I mean it’s completely gone. It’s not completely gone just I know how to handle it now. Anyway sometimes I go through these phases where i try my best to isolate myself from everyone. The thing is I love being around people and when I do this I don’t realize I’m doing it and then I get really sad and like that mindstate comes back. Today I was supposed to go on a triple date with my boyfriend and his friends. But I got scared that his friends wouldn’t like me so I made an excuse of why I couldn’t go. I regret that so much. Now I’m currently sitting in my room crying cause I can’t believe I’m that stupid.