Two weeks after iud removal i got pregnant! I was so excited, this was going to be ours baby! My sister found out she was pregnant shortly after me.. we were going to have babies with due dates so close!! I had some spotting early on but the baby was thriving and growing and life was great!! 17 weeks five days, something was wrong.. no one knew what but I did! We did an ultrasound and baby was doing well but we found out I had placenta previa.. I was hopeful cause people have that all the time!! Except I just started bleeding and bleeding! Almost transfusion level. Christmas Day came and I spent a week on bed rest already! I was in so much pain... the following Monday I went in for an ultrasound and learned my baby was gone!

I can’t help but think the pain on Christmas that was so bad and when i felt like i passed something i passed my baby! Who flushes their baby down the toilet.i know that isn’t something to think but i do!

In the back of my mind I believe I knew something was going to happen because I wouldn’t buy anything.. I kept saying let’s wait till January when we find out the gender! Look now I don’t need to buy anything..

I want to start trying again.. but is it to soon? I still feel like I missing something inside me! Does this ever get easier? Maybe I shouldn’t be having kids.. I’m 35... I just need something to help me get through this!! I’m. It sure I can be excited for my sister cause we were supposed tondo this together....

I didn’t think I could feel so empty! How can I love something so much that i have never touched!