Pain demands to be felt. But it comes from a place of truth.

Acknowledge the truth. You have to acknowledge it. Acknowledge it however you please, however long it takes.

And then move on.

There is a threshold to acknowledging something painful and tragic. Eventually you will cross it. But the important thing to remember is you have to put it to bed. You have to close that door behind you. And you can’t reverse the process. You can’t close the door before you cross the threshold. So ignoring it completely or being in denial simply won’t work. You HAVE TO acknowledge the pain. And then you move forward without looking back.

Say you lost someone, whether by death or by their choice, physically or metaphorically. Accept it. If the situation can’t be changed or mended, it’s time to accept it. Pray about it, talk about it, write it down, memorialize it in some way, if you have to. And then put it away, or destroy it, delete venues of socializing/contact, do whatever means are necessary. “Out of sight, out of mind.”

If you allow the thing that has caused/is causing you pain to remain present in your life, it will continue to do what it does best - you guessed it - cause you pain. Even if it isn’t blatant. It can do so very stealthily and sneaky.

Here’s an example. My dad, my own father, GHOSTED ME. Yea. He just decided I wasn’t that important to him anymore. His choice. And every day/week/month that passed and I never got a call or txt or any form of contact from him, broke me a little more each time. So I acknowledged it. I told my dad how I felt. I told him how his actions were making me feel. I gave him time. He didn’t change. So I acknowledged it again but this time I said it to my husband, and my family. And then without warning, I deleted and blocked my dad. He has no way to contact me. Therefore, he can’t hurt me. I have no idea if he has (or hasn’t) tried to contact to me. And you know what they say? Ignorance is bliss! I don’t pretend my dad never cared for me or that I don’t care for him. But I also don’t allow him to cause me pain.

Another example. I remember like it was yesterday when Jared and I got pregnant the first time. The excitement! The scariness! The crap-your-pants moment of OMG WE’RE GOING TO BE PARENTS. And then the next thing that happened is involuntary. We made plans. We picked names, a nursery theme, who we wanted to tell, how we wanted to tell them, and then everything after that. What will they look like? Sound like? Just think of how their face will light up on their 8th birthday when they see that thing they REALLY wanted! Will it be a he or she? Green eyes or brown? Straight hair or curly? Oh god how many are even in there?? etc etc etc. We lived in those moments and conversations for weeks. And then just like that, it was ripped away like a hurricane wipes out an entire city. It was painful. It had lasting effects. But we looked at each other after the storm passed and acknowledged the baby that never was. We memorialized our loss by advocating and educating. We got tattoos to normalize miscarriage and start a conversation. And then we took the ultrasounds and put it in an envelope and put it in a box and put it away in the attic. We didn’t pretend we never got pregnant. But we also don’t pretend that baby is still here with us. We acknowledge the loss, but treat it as such.

So if you are holding onto something hopeless and painful. Acknowledge it. But let it go. Put it out of your sight and therefore your mind. Don’t allow pain to live in your heart. Accept that the happy moments came and are gone but so are the bad times.

Understand your pain, acknowledge the truth, move forward.