Feeling low today..shared my thoughts.

Today I feel raw. I feel like my heart is in pieces. I remind myself-this is a part of grief. It never goes away you never get over the loss. It is a memory etched into your soul, heart and mind. Some days and months go by that are full of distraction and even optimism. Some days and months feel excruciating and lack any semblance of hope. During these days It feels as though you will never catch your breath. The memories of the loss keep playing on a loop in your mind. It is during these days that I find it hard to focus. These days are real and they are full of raw emotion. Emotions that I can barely keep at bay. One word or look can set me over the edge and into tears. I take moments to get away, even if it means hiding in a bathroom stall. The stall in the restroom becomes my prayer room, my safe haven. I pray to God for comfort and strength to get through the day. I know He hears me even through my tear stained face, my defeated heart and discouraged mind. It is in these days that I sense the comfort of God more. God becomes so close in these moments it’s as though I can see into heaven and hear Him whisper,”It’s going to be okay.” “I got you.” I try my best to drown out the sound of the enemy. His ploy is to draw me into the negative thinking. “It’s never going to happen.” “No one understands or cares.” “It’s all your fault and it’s your burden.” “Never going to be you.”

Oh, how I hate Satan and his many lies. I hate that I get sucked in at times but I remember, God is near. He hears my cries and sees my brokenness. Thankfully God can create beauty from ashes and tomorrow is a new day. My joy comes in the morning and He is my strength.

I’m sure many can relate.