INTUITION OR PARANOID??

I know that women’s intuition is definitely a thing but also being paranoid is a thing as well.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about six months and we’ve never once had a fight. I feel like a lot of times I don’t confront issues because I don’t want to look crazy and in return I end up just letting it sit and fester up until i convince myself he’s cheating. The boyfriend I had before the one I’m with now had cheated on me and it was very ugly and a dark time for me because it affected my self-esteem a lot and he was just very mean and put me down all the time. When my boyfriend now and I started talking he was talking to quite a few other girls at the same time who I would look up on social media just to know who they were and I would feel like my self-confidence would get even lower than it already was because I felt they were prettier than me. what would hurt me the most was he would say things like he was only talking to me or no other girls were in the picture and then i would see on his phone that he was dming girls and snapping them.. it was just kind of this ugly downward spiral because i felt myself just getting more sad day by day but i continued to never say anything and to keep it to myself. now flash forward 6 months later and i hate myself. i just am so unhappy with every single part of me and i’ve never felt so sad and shitty. my boyfriend is so good to me now, he’s awesome, listens to me, cares about me and loves me better than anyone else i’ve ever been with. i should be so happy.

but i feel like it’s made me absolutely insane because no matter what i’m always terrified that he’s cheating. like the other day a girl messaged him saying that she had caught an STD and they had previously fucked so he needed to get tested. him and i got tested together last month so i KNOW he’s clean, but it’s like no matter what my mind will not let go of the idea of him cheating on me after the test. it’s ruining my life and my relationship and i’m at a point where i don’t even want to be alive if i continue to feel this horrible about myself because it’s just miserable. my mental health has gotten so serious because of me constantly comparing myself to girls who were either in the picture or i was scared were in the picture and i don’t know what to do. i feel like this is SO much deeper than him, but it just happened to come out around the time that him and i started dating. is this my intuition telling me that something is WRONG and he’s cheating? or am i just being insecure and letting my insecurities get the best of me? :(