a lil story about how it all started between me and him.

So I met my boyfriend outside at a coffee shop in Israel.

We were looking at eachother the hole time and than I saw that he helped this homeless guy and bought him some food and water, so sweet !

(am a very shy person) and some how i felt that he was too.

I knew I needed to do something about it so I asked him if he could keep a eye on my stuff so I could go to the bathroom I had my suitcase with me and well it worked he asked if he could seat with me and we starting to talk and I was right he was shy and me omg ! Veryyyy Shy !

I liked him direcly from the start things went very fast beween us.. and than here we are 2 year together I fell in love and now am fucked he is a addict and it's very hard being with him.

Offcourse he didn't say nothing to me in the start that he was on metadone and me well when he said it u didn't even know what it was anyway I had a great year I mean up and downs not gonna lie.

I have borderline so am not a easy person either. Now am deprest I was gone for a month and he went using I mean USING not metadone it's like when he is allone he just get bored and uses it's very hard this for me cause I was gone for a month and I thought maybe am better off but I don't wanna be allone I don't see a point of meeting someone else if he feels like my twinflame besides his problem he is a great guy .

When I was a month gone he wasn't himself and he was hospitalized he is not very clear about what happened now I was in this month allso in a hospital cause I took too meny pills I was depressed cause how cold he was to me and I just besides him didn't see a point of living.

Days weeks before the hospital I thought fuck it I can do this but than how more and more we got disconnected I just started to feel like wtf I knew this wasn't him so I decided to come allso after a conversation with his mom I knew he was not doing good.

Sooo now am here and I feel empty a d still depressed I see that he is doing good again I mean he is trying but am a mess and I don't know what to do .

I feel like I can't build a future with him but I allso don't know if I wanna build a future without him

It got to me the way he acted and allso now it still bothers me it hurts me and even now here and there I feel hurt by him it felt like he was my twin flame but now I don't know what to feel anymore bein. I can't choose cause what I want cause either way am deprest now and yes the depression started all with him and don't get me wrong I tried to be there for him when I was gone for a month but it wasn enough.

Sorry I know this is so long to read I just needed to get this out of my chest.

Am a mess.

If someone can just help me out here with some ideas or idk I will appreciate it allot thank you