I was sexual assaulted almost two years ago. I’ve managed to do a lot of healing with love, patience, self care, painting etc. Last night was the first time I had sex with my very trustworthy, loving boyfriend (whom I’ve never told about my sexual assault😬) and it went very well, I was comfortable and not anxious or triggered at all. When we were done we cuddled for a bit then all these bad feelings started flooding in. I felt gross and dirty like I had just done something bad. He wanted to get cleaned up and I insisted on taking a shower by myself. I got in and just cried, I felt horrible, it took me back to how I felt two years ago which I thought was long gone. The sex was great in the moment but now I just feel so horrible about it. I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend without making him feel bad. I don’t want him to feel like he did something wrong. I’m also scared how he’s going to react considering I’ve never told him I’ve been sexually assaulted before. I’m also just confused on why I feel this way, I thought I was past all the pain and trauma.