How should I feel?

Question

It's like since finding out I'm pregnant everyone wants to weigh in on what I should or shouldn't be doing. I'm at that particularly emotional stage where I seem to get upset over little things and my partner feels like I'm letting my emotions take over my life. I can't get him to see that this is a HUGE change for me. I've never been a mum but he is already a Dad to two. The other day he said "you should be focused on the exciting stuff not the negative" but we are still paying off a lot of debt and I feel like I can't focus on the exciting stuff when I can't even afford to buy small things for the baby yet. In my opinion as long as this baby comes out healthy and I don't have a mental break down I'm doing ok. But I can see my emotions are taking a toll on those around me, how do I get a better grip on them? How do I make other people see that it's actually quite scary to go through all these changes for the first time?

Answer

Hormones are a bitch, but so are people who tell others how they should and shouldn’t feel. Pregnancy is absolutely life changing. You’re not alone. And your feelings are totally valid.
I promise you that everyone here had the same feelings at one point or another. I was personally more hormonal after birth than during pregnancy, but all the same, I dealt with the same thing you’re going through and I learned how to use my voice to vocalize my needs. It’s hard, but it’s worth it! Take a deep breath and some time to think (maybe in the shower) about the ways you need to be supported. Then, tell your partner. For me personally, I just wanted hugs. I told my husband: “My hormones make me feel out of control and overwhelmed sometimes. It’s not fun for me, either. I’m doing my best. I don’t always need your advice. What I really need from you is just a listening ear and a hug until I’m done riding my wave, please.”

Answer

First of all, every single thing you are feeling is not just because of the hormones impacting your emotions. I hate when people negative our feelings because we could also be hormonal, it doesn't mean they are any less valid or meaningful. You are already a mama and because you are, you are planning for you and your child's future and that includes the very real worries about debt and other stressful things.
The first step is to help manage your anxiety about the future so that it doesn't negatively impact your health. I have some helpful ideas on this if you find you are interested. If you'd prefer to research on your own, things like mindfulness exercises and cognitive behavioral therapy exercises helped me tremendously. I also benefited greatly from doing something called a brain dump (basically writing every single thing your are worrying about down on  paper, the sorting it into four categories (urgent and important, urgent and not important, important but not urgent, not urgent and not important). This will help you prioritize the things that are more time sensitive and stressing you out most so you can create a game plan or attack it with facts to help you focus on what you can do to improve that area that's bothering you.
As for making others see your point, that's always a challenge for sure. No one gets to tell you how to feel during your pregnancy. You are happy and excited for sure but you also have every right to be anxious and scared about things too. It's a huge change and but you can do this. Sometimes it will only make you feel bad, trying to get others to see your point. I suggest having a calm conversation with your partner but as for everyone else they do not seem supportive so I imagine continued conversations about your fears won't get any new answers from them. Instead, find supportive mom friends! When your little is born, you can join new mom groups and go to baby play times but for now join the due date group on this app and talk to more women who totally understand you.
Good luck mama. You've got this. 💗

How should I feel?

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