And I’m so scared to admit it to anyone but myself. I’m terrified that it makes me a bad mother or that my baby will get taken away from me. I would NEVER in a million years hurt her.. but sometimes I feel like she’d be better off without me. Sometimes I wish they couldn’t have stopped the bleeding when I hemorrhaged after birth.. I hate talking about my feelings, it’s something that I have always struggled with.. which is why I came here because I don’t have to look anyone in the face and admit what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what to do.. I want to get help but I’m scared to and I don’t even know what to say to my doctor about it. My baby is 11 weeks old and most days I can’t even enjoy her being small because I just want to run away and end everything. I lost a lot of friends once I got pregnant and my boyfriend works a lot, which leaves me home alone with baby all the time. I want a job so bad (even if it’s just part time) and I’ve been putting in applications but I haven’t heard back from anyone yet.. I’m so emotionally drained. I’m truly scared I’m going to end up doing something to myself. Please tell me it will get better, please tell me I won’t lose my baby for not being mentally stable and please tell me how I can tell my doctor without sounding like a horrible person. I’m terrified that if I tell her she will have to have my baby taken from me.