Mixed feelings after my abortion

I had a medical abortion at 9 weeks pregnant, it was a hard decision to make but I knew that it was the best choice for me and my boyfriend.

It has now been three days since the fetus came out, and I’m having mixed feelings about it all. On one hand, I feel relief because I know I’m not ready for a baby and I wouldn’t be a good parent. But on the other hand, I’m upset that the pregnancy had ended and although it was my choice, I still feel like I’m suffering as I would if I miscarries a wanted pregnancy, if that makes sense...

I have the fetus in a small jewellery box and I plan on having a mini funeral by myself. I’m not telling anybody because I feel like it makes me look really weird. I’m not really sure what to do with it because it didn’t feel right flushing it.