I love my kids but so far the oldest two basically tell me repeatedly how I ruined their childhood and was a bad mother, those two are 21 and 18. Next one is 16, she tries to love me I guess but then makes the oldest when she is around step into a discussion so that I end up the shitty mom, then 13 yr old, she just hates me every minute of every day, ignores my feelings then tells me how she feels sorry for me, my little man he is 7, he has watched how others talk to me and he is now asking me “do you even care about your son?” “Do you love me?” “You ruined my birthday day, I don’t see anything for me, and that is just one gift”....... short story high school mom, divorced my second child father due to abuse, third child’s dad just didn’t want family, fourth habitual cheater, and lastly mental abuse for five exhausting years, raised them pretty much myself and put myself through college four times with debt of $32,000 student loans, worked nonstop, I finally married my high school love, no not my oldest father, everything was going great until I started having issues with my second oldest, two nervous breaks downs since, several times my husband tells me he is done and is finding his own place, to idfc what your kids do I’m not helping anymore and I’m not their paycheck, to currently I keep calling I to work, crying daily, gained about 45 pounds, eating my feelings at first to now to damn nauseous, having high blood pressure, shakes, dizzy, don’t leave the house, don’t talk to anyone, and at the moment I HATE MYSELF AND WHAT AM I WORTH?? Where the fuck is my life going, or better yet what have I done for god to hate me this much for the last two years I have dealt with nothing but some shitty ass bad luck, I am mentally exhausted and I just want someone here for me that actually cares. I don’t need fake sympathy I am broken and I really need support and yes my husband watched me be emotional mess plenty of times and just three days ago at the doctor’s office, I said I really need you and I get told “I have to stay late for work so I will talk to you in bit” NEVER EVER HAS STAYED LATE!! Maybe it’s time to stop hurting everyone around me and disappear. Ik most wouldn’t even notice until it’s dinner time or hey mom I need......