Stepsons Behavior

I visited a friend who vented to me that her boyfriend's sons ages 12 & 8 have not wanted to visit the past few weekends. Also, that they've been ignoring their father's text messages and her. She said she felt that no matter how often they visit or not visit, she and her boyfriend deserve respect to not be ignored. The boys eventually responded a day or two later that they had other plans.

I gave my opinion on this and she took offense and I'm wondering what y'all may have to say. Unbiased.

I asked her if the boys spend an equal amount of time in both homes? I asked this to see if there was a recent change to their lifestyle they may be adjusting to, she said no. I asked what is the dynamic of the relationship they have with the boys and she said it's great. She went to explain how extremely disrespected she felt by them not responding to her until days later because per her words "They wouldn't dare treat their mother like this, I deserve the same respect." My take is that they are just kids. They are balancing life as growing boys and having cellphones. To them, they have free range to reach out to other people friends perhaps and things come up. I told her eventually they will want to visit and they aren't far, 30 minutes away. I told her don't assume it's intentional and when they do visit just talk to them and assume the best of intent. Also, why can't the schedules change to pickup and drop off for school or something so that there is more time with them? She said how the bio parents agreed only they would be allowed to pick up and drop off however their schedules conflict only leaving the weekends available. So, the rules with the cellphones for mom is, if I text, text back! When I call, callback. My friend feels this should apply in she and her bf's home as well but it didn't sound like it was enforced. In other words, it sounded like they just assumed because the boy's mom requires it at home, that it should be required for everyone and my take is that if kids aren't sat down and talked to like people, they don't understand! If the conversation didn't happen, how the hell are they supposed to know or understand?! Her defense was that "THEIR MOTHER REQUIRES THEM TO DO IT FOR HER, WHY CAN'T THEY DO IT FOR US?" My mind was blown! I have children and I sit and talk to my kids about rules and expectations at home, their father does the same for his home. I don't assume or expect whatever he requires to automatically apply to my house. Yes, we both agree on certain areas of parenting but small things such as cellphone usage is worth a quick 2 minute talk. Maybe that's just me though. My next question was, yes they are young boys with cellphones and can reach dad on their own but why aren't mom and dad talking to help ease scheduling? Yes, 12 & 8 can be clear on what they want but conversations amongst mom and dad are still important. It didn't sound like she was giving all of the facts and just wanted someone to just agree with her and validate her feelings and when I wouldn't, she became defensive and aggressive with me. Oh well honestly. Lastly, she mentioned when they would come over, they wanted to sit in the bedroom all day and not talk to or interact with anyone. I simply think boys will be boys. Kids will be kids. One is a preteen so this type of behavior is somewhat expected but in the same breath, what's really been going on? I told her it sounds like there's more to this than oh they aren't texting or calling back. But what do I know? Only what I'm told.

Was my point of view wrong? I realize we all parent differently but to me it's wrong to assume something of a CHILD that was never discussed. That's all I was trying to say.