Feeling so defeated.

So my postpartum body is definitely something I've been struggling with but I went out of my comfort zone and was feeling really confident and took boudoir pictures for my husband. The next day his phone buzzed so I went to take a look in case it was an in law texting because we were expecting them to visit. When I opened his phone I saw he was on pinterest looking up sexy pics of women. Hes always had a problem with watching porn multiple times a day even just to eat lunch at work he watches it like it's a tv show. It became an obsession for him. Then it was snapchat nudes and now on pinterest. I just cant believe this. I've put in so much faith and effort. I feel like I am being degraded, not good enough. I'm never going to look sexy enough for this man. I try so hard to be someone else. 😭