When is the right time to pop the question ?

Question

So I have been with my s.o. For 5 years, almost 6 and we have a beautiful 3 month old baby. She was no accident, she was planned. He wanted to start a family which I was totally okay with. So we moved into our own place and now raising our daughter. And now I have sat down w/him and asked about marriage. At the end of our convo basically that he wasn’t ready to be married. I’m still so back and forth w/ this because I understand where he is coming from his parents and everyone he knows are divorced or in an unhappy marriage. But on the other hand why plan to have a baby w/ me and plan our future together and not even contemplate marriage.? I could even settle w/ a long engagement. Which I prefer. Pls tell me am I being to pushy? Or ditch his ass ? I’m just wanna be someone wifey

Answer

I honestly think you should have spoken with him about this before you had your daughter. He may have told you back then that he didn’t want to be married. But his not wanting to be married doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or doesn’t want to be with you. Things might change down the road. I wouldn’t leave him over this.

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This conversation should have happened before ttc and then you should have stuck to you wanted marriage before deciding to try for a baby. You are not on the same page. This would have been a dealbreaker for me

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Before kids for sure. I’d never have a baby with a man who wasn’t ready to fully commit to me.

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If being married is a dealbreaker then yes move on. If not then I guess you’ll be a long term girlfriend 🤷🏾‍♀️ but if that’s not what you want to be then don’t settle.

Answer

Commitment ceremony maybe? 
Had a relative that did a commitment ceremony, they loved each other so much but neither wanted to do an actual legal marriage. They were married for many happy years until he passed away. 
She wore a ring, was his wife but just didnt sign a piece of paper and turn it into the government. 
I wouldnt leave someone I was happy and loved enough to start a family with over a diamond,  a piece of paper., and a title. But all in all, that's your call.

Answer

Marriage is literally nothing but a piece of paper to make things "official." You don't work for marriage everyday, you work for your relationship wheather it's married or not. You can live together have bills, kids, a house all that together and not be married. Personally I wish I wasn't married at the moment because it's hurting my financial aid for school 🙄 but it doesn't change anything btwn my husband and I, we still have a kid, bills together, a house the only thing that makes us married is a piece of paper and rings that's literally all that changed for us. We were together 7 years before marriage and I can honestly nothing changes except rings and a certificate make us married now. Don't press on it. He will when he's ready.

Answer

You're his wife whether a piece of paper says so or not.
Ask yourself why you need to be a "wifey" and just now considering leaving him because he's not ready.

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Don’t listen to the people that say you should have gotten married or talked about marriage before having you daughter. The only thing that matters is that you think he would make a good father (and that he hopefully actually is one).
People who are children of divorce have a hard time with making the leap into marriage. That is just a fact of the matter. 
I would try to explain to him how important marriage is to you. That it may be scary but because you are doing it together that it will be okay. Maybe even find a couple’s councilor because it really is hard to understand the mind of someone who has divorced parents if you never experienced that. 
But definitely no need to break it off at this point as long as he is being a good father and boyfriend.
Best of luck to you!
(Also I come from divorced parents and took a college course on marriage and families that helped me gain this knowledge)

Answer

You wanna be a wifey but you don’t wanna be patient. Should have had this discussion prior to a child.

When is the right time to pop the question ?

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