Depressed. Struggling...losing myself. Help

I’m not sure why the world feels so much as if it’s drowning me.

I feel so... not even lost! I know where I am! I know what’s going on! It’s just all to much!

I’m a single mom. I have raised my two kids alone since my son was in my belly (kids are a year apart, father left us when I was pregnant).

I fought it through, I went from living in a studio apartment to now in an actual home for my kids. (Rental)

I worked overnights, I paid sitters, I asked for help from the government.

(My state was out of funds for childcare” it’s all been so hard.

But I made it. Here I am.

But why am I breaking now?

I have a steady job. Benefits and all BUT I hate it. Not the work but the place..., actually uses maybe both. Cubical office job.

No one talks in the office and when they do it’s about each other.

They don’t even play music. All day every day you hear the ladies just typing. I’m going insane!

I top of that. After 8 years. My ex decided to sue me for full custody of my kids. (He just mixed in with a girl)

He lives in Missouri. He has since he left us when I was pregnant. Sees the kids maybe twice a year. Been like that the whole time. $1200. Behind in child support...,(an idiot to try to sue but also manipulating so bad he’s trying to make look as an unfit parent)

But it’s become so blown up!

So there’s that, trying not to get into so much detail...

This week my son had the flu. Then my daughter and then me.

I keep taking off work and I feel them getting mad.

In trying to keep up with the house, laundry and everything. I can’t.

Apparently my ex used that as a reason for the kids needing be taken away because my house is messy and not a healthy living environment.

My kids are in sports. My son does breakdancing but I have to drove an hour into DC every weekend.

And I would never NOT do that for him because it’s the one thing he wants to do. He has learning disabilities, his strength is art and expression.

I don’t know, I’m just so under water. Trying to do everything.

I don’t have one single moment alone except the night my kids (rarely) go to bed with out fighting me about it.

I don’t have an ex to take them on weekends.

I don’t have parents that take them or even want to see them.

Nothing. There’s nothing.

I’m losing it. My sanity. My mental health. I don’t know what to do.

Everyone says keep goin but I been going for a very very long time.

I’m about done. I don’t know what to do anymore