I don’t love my stepdaughter

Ok, Hear me out before commenting. Someone asked here once if you love your step kids as much as your own kids and the people who voted no were trashed. I was one of them. But you can’t judge without knowing the stories behind the answers. My story is the following, and trust me, I feel like a horrible person. I feel things I don’t want to feel and I’m constantly trying to change my mindset.

My husband had a fling before we met. He used to spend (still does) most of his time traveling bc of his job. So she showed up saying she was pregnant. We lived in a third world country and he used to earn $100 which was a lot over there, plus he was famous and attracted a lot of girls. Well, I met him when the baby was 13 days old. Please, keep in mind that he wasn’t married to this girl, or lived together, they weren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend.

We started a relationship and left the country when the kid was 7 month old. We left knowing that maybe we’ll never see our family again bc of political reasons, we weren’t allowed to go back into the country. We had a daughter, laws changed and I was able to travel there with my kid. I went every year and always visited his daughter. We sent her money for food every month, clothes, shoes, medicine, even shampoo and toys. We bought her a better house. Well, she keeps growing up without meeting her father, just me and her sister. Until he is able to go back into the country on 2015. From that year, we went back every year and spent there only 7-10 days. It’s obviously not enough to get to know and love someone. We applied for tourist visa twice and they deny her entry to the USA, and suddenly her mom tells my husband that he could bring her here to live with us. He said yes, and never ever asked me how I felt about it. I understood his reasons, so I never made any comment, maybe my mistake. By that time, his daughter was 6 years old and the more she grew the less she looked like him or any family that we know, not even on her mom’s side. The process to bring her here, took 3 whole years. I had a son on 2016 and I’m pregnant again. She came to live with us on November 2019 and I’m giving birth to our 3rd child in 2 weeks. The thing is that he’s never here. He works in Japan and won’t be back until October. So it’s just me and the nanny.

I don’t love her, it’s the truth, but I would never ever treat her bad or make her feel like she doesn’t belong. she’s a very good kid, always trying to help and a good big sister. She’s also great at school.

But it’s just me with the kids, and I feel like it’s unfair since her mom is living her best life, mind you she has 3 different baby daddies. Honestly I think one of the reasons I can’t fully digest this is because I don’t think that’s his kid (family members and friends don’t thinks is her child either but no one would tell him)

So, should I make a DNA test just to get it out of my head or should I let things be?

I’m prepared for rude comments lol like I said, I feel awful sometimes but at the same time I’m angry because her mom isn’t dead or sick or in prison, she just sent her here to live with people she doesn’t know and her dad is also gone for a long time. I just think that maybe if I do the DNA test and it comes out positive, that’ll allow me to love her like she deserves. But what if it’s negative?

Edit: no, her home life wasn’t bad, her mom never treat her bad as far as we know. She also cries for her mom almost every night, specially the days they don’t talk. Now that my husband is also gone, she also cries for him. Every night I kiss her good night like I do with my other kids, If you’re wondering if maybe she cried because I make her feel bad, no I don’t, I’m very careful with the way I talk to her or treat her. If my kids get a toy, she gets one too, if my kids get new clothes she gets them too. I’m confident that I never make her feel unwanted. She just misses her mom a lot.

Update: thanks for the advise ladies. To answer some of your questions, no a DNA test wasn’t done when she came into the country, and it’s not something you can do easily in our home country. When I think of making the DNA test is not because want to get rid of her. It’s because i think that if I clear my doubts my feelings might change. Also if she’s not his, I would be ok with her staying, even tho what I really want is for her to be with her mom and and visit us during summer, Christmas, etc. Also, for those saying that you should not get involved with a man with a child if you’re not willing to treat him/her as your own, one thing having a stepchild living close to you and visiting, going on vacation with you and building a relationship, and another thing is a kid you barely know living with you all of the sudden, when you already have 2 kids and a 3rd on the way AND are alone for about 7 month in a year. This is a huge adjustment for me and for her as well, basically for everyone in the family, because my husband is having a hard time as well getting used to this. I might feel the way I feel just because of my hormones or these are just my genuine feelings, but I really hope they change. I’m not a heartless bitch who would reject a child like that. Anyways, thanks for reading and commenting.