I dont understand...

A short time ago me and my husband had a falling out where he broke my trust. He didnt cheat but it would've gotten further if I hadn't found out...from my own family members he was talking to!! Anyways I made the choice to forgive him. And in my eyes I made the choice and I will not hold it over his head anymore bc I forgave n moved on well the last few months he has been so sweet and wanting to try and I am ovulating right now and I got all fresher up for him and he turned me away. In my mind I'm like if he wants to try as bad as I do and he knows today is important why would he pass up our chance for this month. So I started to ask questions and he just ignored me and he told me he changed his mind about trying and asked how could I not notice how disconnected he has been, which I have bc I've been asking is it me? Are u not attracted to me anymore? And of course he was like yes I am I live you you know that. But i just dont want to right now. And I was confused bc we had just had a long talk about this a couple months back and so I was like ok well what do you think we need to do to where youd feel more comfortable trying i told him I'd get a job to make soare money to make sure baby is 100% good and he sId there's no reason nothing i can do to make us be ready or him want to try. And if money isn't the reason and there's nothing I can do to make him be ok to try then I don't know if we are going to come out if this. I forgave him bc I love him I'm not with him just for kids I've been with him for 5 years now. I take every insult he sends my way he is very emotionally and verbally abusive. I fear sharing any emotions I have with him bc I'll just be called stupid or dramatic and if I even bring up trying I'm a "phsyco" I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like I wouldnt be as upset if he didnt just sit back and watch me be hopeful and excited and then crush it all in the most important time of the month .We lost a baby in my second trimester almost a year ago and he ignored me after i found out i was pregnant and when i told him something was wrong i went to the hospital by myself and found out that i was losing the baby and had to deliver all ALONE! he won't let me in his mind and i fear to open my mouth about my emotions bc i fear belittling i feel like we are taking a turn for the worst. And I thought him cheating would be the end of us I figured if we got thru that we could get through anything. Last week he told me i do nothing even tho i cook clean and even pick up every clothing item he throws in the floor told me my job is to clean up after him and he yells to talk I just dont know what to do or who to talk to anymore. I know this is long thank you if you've read this far 😭

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