Anxiety with weight gain

Please no judgement on this post I just don’t have anyone else to discuss this with or has gone through a pregnancy.

I use to be a collegiate runner and then stayed in the competitive field post-college. I have always be a fitness junkie and always concerned about my weight and just staying fit. I have been still working out about 5-6 times a week (moderately!) but just have anxiety of the 30 pounds my doctor wants me to gain. I’m only 4’11 so it seems so much and as a few pounds have been put on (I’m 12 weeks) I’m starting to hate my body. Is this me being selfish or is anyone else having difficulty with their changing bodies?