not really a question...just letting out some feelings about my sex life. i’m lowkey ashamed.

hi. can i just let out some concerns and feelings here for a sec? before i get started, i know it’s very common and all but i’m a very bad overthinker and this is just the only place i can let those thoughts out. Since I’ve become sexually actively at age 16/17 (i’m now 20 almost 21) i’ve slept with 10 people. with every single person i’ve ever had sex with i’ve always used protection. I’ve never had unprotected sex before. except oral sex. I have always been very cautious and ive been tested for hiv, gonorrhea, chlamydia & syphilis multiple times and all came back negative each time. I freaked myself one time because I had a bump on my vagina and i went to the doctor to get tested for herpes (my schools medical center does not offer herpes testing so i had to go to another office) and he looked at the bump and said it definitely was not a herpes lesion and looked more like an ingrown hair. however, we still did a test for herpes which he took a swab and swabbed the inside of my vagina and a few days later came back negative. I get freaked out so much when it comes to herpes because this wasn’t the first time a bump had appeared on my vagina. I’m pretty sure they were probably just ingrown hairs as well but i can never stop thinking about it. also bc this one guy i had a relationship with told me once he came into contact with a woman who had herpes (this was before he met me) and they were making out and she stopped him and told him they couldn’t have sex because she had herpes. i’m guessing she had genital herpes. he never got tested but He told me he didn’t have it. And i was stupid enough to still sleep with him..protected tho. i didn’t see any sores when i slept with him, even though i know you can have no sores and still have it. so that’s another reason why i get so scared about having herpes even though i’ve been tested.

I’m also beginning to be very ashamed of the amount of people i’ve been with. Apart of me is just saying it’s okay because i’m sure there are people in the world who have had way more partners than me and are doing just fine and also i’ve used protection with each person every time but the other part of me is saying that i’m too young to have had that many partners before. i know condoms don’t always protect from stds and i think that’s why even though my herpes test came back negative, i still freak out about having it. i just don’t know. i’m currently talking/getting intimate with someone i’ve had a long history with and i really care about him and i wanna protect him from getting any stds. i like scream at myself in my head because all my std tests came back negative and we’re fine but i still can just never get my mind off of it.

thanks for letting me get out those feelings that have been stuck in my head forever. i appreciate it.