Help I don’t know how to feel

Me and my mom are cool we have a ok relationship but me and my dad relationship is not the best since my relationship with my mom is good I wanted to tell her the truth about my sexuality I told her that I was gay and she freaked out she was yelling and saying I was a disappointment and a waste of space and I was a mistake that made me really depressed so I went and I got high which she would have got high with me to she said it’s ok for me to smoke and to take drugs and to get drunk so I was stoned in my bed I didn’t even know that she left but she did and she came back with a boy that I told her I dated and she made him have sex with me over and over again I’m 13 and I was forced to have sex by my mom I think she got me raped and we couldn’t fake it she was watching me I said no I didn’t want that and when he left when she took him I told my dad that I was gay and he was fine with it but I went in to her drawer and to her strongest drugs I could find and I took them all I OD my dad got me to the hospital just in time I almost died I’m in the hospital with my dad we have a bad relationship because he raped and beat me when I was young and he did the same to my mom but today was the first day I didn’t have a panic attack when I touched me he carried me to the hospital