International Couples (partners from different countries)- Desperately need advice and questions answered

My husband is german and I’m from the states. We currently live in Germany.

We dated for 7 years before getting married. Now been married for 4 years. I visited Germany with him quite a few times for a couple weeks every visit. His parents were wonderful and friends when we would visit.

Well when we first moved here basically right after getting married, we lived with his parents. Totally different picture once we lived with them... they were very unhappy. I was so happy when we moved into our own place after 2 months of living with them, it was very depressing.

I got pregnant soon after we moved into our own place. Husband was busy with work, I was busy taking language classes and all. I worked a bit. Then once we had the baby we moved into a bigger place. Everything seemed good but still his family doesn’t give us much support.

When we first moved to Germany we always said we would live where it’s best for our family.

After living here almost 5 years, I don’t think it’s at all the best for our family. My job is unknown (I worked online with clients in the states for some time doing teletherapy, I’m a speech therapist) and can’t really work here because need a German license. We knew this before we moved here. My husband tho has changed what he said before moving here and thinks I should try to find work however I can even outside my field. I got very mad at this cuz I worked super hard for my masters and all. Then, he is obsessed with buying a house we can’t afford. Now, our son has special needs and we can’t find him the right services here (long story). His family is also not supportive (basically blames me for my sons disability even tho I’ve gotten written reports from multiple psychiatrists).

Today, we got talking about our life together once kids are out of the picture. He said that he wants to move into his parents house and retire (also something he never voiced to me before moving here but seems like his ultimate goal). This is not my goal at all. I don’t like living in Germany for many factors and I wouldn’t want to settle here.

Anyway, I want to ask other international couples how did you work this out. How did you talk about where you want to settle and everything?