self confidence

so like i’m only 14 and pretty young and i struggle with self confidence A LOT. and when i mean a lot it’s everytime i see some skinny perfect hourglass shape girl with beautiful long blonde hair and pretty eyes on instagram or any other girl.. i cry i get upset and will isolate myself because i’m scared people only talk to me because they feel bad. i feel like i look like naked mr krabs lol... but whenever i rant to any of my friends or people they always tell me to shut up or i’m fishing for compliments so it makes me isolate myself even more.. i’ve tried workouts and everything to make my acne and fat go away. i even got an eating disorder this year when my ex best friend told me i was fat because i reached 100 pounds. i threw up and starved myself for months and got down to 80 pounds. i recently stopped without getting any help and i’m back up to 100 but i still feel bad. i talked to my boyfriend about it and he told me i didn’t have a eating disorder and i was perfectly fine and was just overreacting. and now whenever i rant to him about how i want to be prettier he always gets mad. he does always compliment me and tells me how beautiful i am which makes me feel amazing but i always go back to feeling ugly and dumb. he gets mad because he thinks i don’t think what he says to me is good enough. and then i feel guilty and i bottle my emotions up again. i just don’t know what to do anymore and i feel alone and helpless.. has anyone gone through the same thing or can anyone figure something that’ll make me feel better. i feel like nothing can and something is wrong with me. please don’t hate i just needed to get this out to someone i know i’m young and stupid. but yeah