6 Months

6 months of waiting to see those pink lines. 6 months of waiting to hear your heartbeat, to see you on the ultrasound. 6 months of anticipation, always followed by disappointment. But we kept trying.

Then the pink lines appeared.

Life changed so quickly. We had hopes and dreams for you. We told strangers about you because we were too excited to keep it to ourselves. We were going to schedule an appointment on Monday. Suddenly everything was ok in the world.

Until now. As I lie here in the dark, the pain is excruciating. The bleeding is getting heavier. The clots are getting larger. The gnawing pain has spread all the way down my body. This is especially cruel.

My husband is sleeping so peacefully beside of me. He is blissfully unaware. I dread when morning comes.

I am completely shattered.