Want to Starve

Long story short being stuck inside alone with my thoughts is starting to take a toll on me.

I just recently hit my highest weight: 160lbs. I have some friends the same size but they look amazing. I look disgusting and lumpy. It’s hard for me to look in the mirror because I don’t recognize myself anymore. This isn’t my body.

I cut back on my calories but the weight is still there. And of course the simple answer would be to exercise since we are still allowed to in quarantine. But I have no motivation.

I’ve been trying to ignore my intrusive thoughts but I can’t repress it anymore. I’m going to start diet pills tomorrow and if that doesn’t start working soon I can’t guarantee I starve or harm myself another way.

I have 30-35lbs to lose and it just sounds so overwhelming

I never went for a diagnosis but I starved my first year of college then somehow switched to binging