Hey ladies! I just need some help, because I don’t want to think anything unreasonable.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, and he started being friends with this girl a little bit before we started dating. I never thought anything of it, and didn’t mind them getting closer as friends. I never minded them FaceTiming til 11, or hanging out with other friends around. I’m not personally close with her but I trust he’d never let anything happen, even if she tried. The thing is, she’s closer to him than 95% of his guy friends, and he doesn’t see an issue just because she’s a girl. I’ve brought it up before and he said he “loves me the same way he loves his guy friends, her, his mom, his sister, etc”, so her being a girl is irrelevant to him.

There have been issues about her in the past, for example, him writing a huge paragraph about how much he loves her and appreciates her in his diary when I never got a paragraph like that, or how he’d leave me mid call to call her. It was mostly about me feeling like he appreciates her or enjoys her company more than mine, and in a way, I don’t know if the feeling has gone away.

However, we had a more serious problem a while ago, and I’m sure he told her about it because I started noticing her behaviour that’s been going on for a while. She sends him good morning texts and texts for him to wake up to, calls him often (whereas I need to ask him if he’s free to call), and just seems overall... interested? I don’t know... they’re friends so that’s of course okay, but this seems a bit extra...

He, in a way, normalises it too - for example, I sent him 6 minutes worth of voice messages, and I only got a heart reaction to the last one, or the fact that he doesn’t tell me she says or does this kind of thing. It makes me feel so icky and weird, so I need to know I’m not overreacting or overanalysing.

This is a literal poem she wrote him to wake up to...

This is an example of a text he’d wake up to...

Maybe I’m just insecure or overreacting, but isn’t this a bit... weird? Sorry, I don’t write poems to boys I don’t like... especially if they have a girlfriend... I don’t want to say anything because he’ll say I don’t trust him even though I do... I just feel like she likes him, and if she does, I don’t really know why he’s “entertaining” it in a way. I get it, we all miss our friends in quarantine, but ... I would tell him if someone said that. I wouldn’t react to every message. I don’t know 😞

What’re your thoughts ladies? Should I say anything? What should I do?

UPDATE: the plot thickens... I told him I wanted to talk to him, and I’m gonna tell him how I feel about the situation - uncomfortable and I don’t like the vibe I get from her... I really don’t think he likes her and that he’s just trying not to be mean, but either way, it makes me feel a bit ... eh. I decided to talk to him after I saw THIS...

UPDATE - we had a talk about what SHE was going, and agreed her messages were over the line, and that he’s going to talk to her about those boundaries. It went well, and he recognised that she can be going too far, despite the fact that she’s genuinely sentimental and caring. Also in future, I told him that I wish he’d tell me if something like this was happening, and he said that he didn’t think anything was wrong before I approached him about it. However, I also tried to explain to him that his responses were also upsetting in this situation, especially since I don’t receive the same energy sometimes. I said that he could either respect my boundaries in terms of the way he talks to her, or simply reply to me with the same level of appreciation and attitude. He got upset saying he doesn’t want to compromise his authenticity and genuinity with his friends, and that I shouldn’t ask him to filter himself. He also said that he didn’t tell me about the situation because he was afraid I’d be unreasonable and hurt, and that he wouldn’t have responded the way he did if he knew I’d see it because to a third party, the texts look suspicious but between him and the girl, they’re not weird at all. I then told him that I want my boundaries to be respected the same way I respect his friendship with another girl, and that I don’t think it’s too much to ask for him to simply respond to me in a way that makes me feel appreciated too, or he could talk to her in a way that I would be comfortable with. If he thinks that it would make me uncomfortable, then I would want that boundary to be respected and for him to be sensitive and considerate of my wants. He hasn’t replied, but that’s the current situation.

15 APR UPDATE - he hasn’t talked to her yet, I think it’s because it’s her birthday. It’s petty but I embroidered a hoodie for him, for him a teddy bear, and his favourite candy for Valentine’s Day (we’re in high school so I couldn’t do too much without a job) and he didn’t get me anything, but he didn’t post for me himself at all, he just reposted my story for him. It’s her birthday today and he gave her 3 separate story posts (one pic and one line for each) but still... it makes me sad. He also woke up and greeted her happy birthday at 12 this year, which he didn’t do for me last year, and when I asked him why he was up late the next morning, he said he just woke up out of nowhere. However, I hope he’ll do the same for me too. Maybe even stay up with me! So I’m not too upset about that, but it’s on my mind. He hasn’t talked to her yet, partially because of her birthday. And he hasn’t responded to what I said last time because he has to focus on his assessments for school, so he promised to get back to it when he can give it all his attention. I can tell he’s trying to be more aware though, even if it’s little by little, at least I know he’s trying. I’ll keep you guys updated, and your support and advice is absolutely amazing and makes me feel better. I’m always here to talk to anyone too. 💛💛💛

19 APR UPDATE - hey girls. I broke up with him 3 days ago. I’m heartbroken and we love each other but I don’t need to feel disrespected like that. He called my boundaries unreasonable and said I wanted them for self validation. He said if I wasnt happy, walking away is always an option so I did it. I know I made the right choice for myself in the long run but wow... it hurts. 2.5 years of my life spent on someone... the lines are a bit blurry, like, if we don’t get a new partner until the time’s right then maybe we can get back together, and we’re still chatting like normal except there’s no obligation or commitment anymore. I’m glad it’s over and thankful that it happened but now I’m just really sad. I’ll be okay. Thank you so much everyone 💛