I hate myself

I get pregnant from my husband which is my fault. I should of been on a birth control but each time I call, I won't in the system then their send me warning of miss appointment. I hardly had sex with my husband. Lately he hadn't been much around me or our family. I had plan to work once my youngest turn 3 in July which qualify her for free prek3. In January, I wanted to be love by him despite not being much into him. I find out I was pregnant the next month. I wanted an abortions.

Forward to me being 15week. My pelvic is stretching. My back ached. My pain rate 5. I can't sit or stand long. I hated the fact I'm pregnant. He is no help. I drive get a lawnmover for the grass that I cut in pain. I had to stand up and cook in pain to feed my girls. I have to stand and bend to get them ready for bed. I just wanted to be love by him that cost me to hurt more. I didn't want to cheat. I can't leave. I had ask for a ticket back jax fl and he won't buy it. One of my girls have autism that require speech which also make it hard to leave. Change is difficult for her.

I want to run and scream. Jump and skip. I hate myself for being pregnant. I hate myself

Is it wrong to want to be love 😭