I think my husband fell out of love with me and I honestly don't feel any kind of way about it.

We've gone through issues that most relationships face, from financial to infidelity on both parts. We worked it out and have been ok for the last couple years.

Recently though we're having a problem with communication. With this pandemic and us both being essential workers, we're spending little time together but we try talking on the phone as much as possible and squeeze in time to maybe watch a movie or play a boardgame with the kids.

Although we're not communicating as we should, I try not to argue and just walk away when things get heated. Last week he was being real short with me and seemed as though he was looking for an argument but I just let it go. Today he came home and we're cool, joking around, watching TV, playing with the kids.. normal stuff when we're both home but things just suddenly took a weird turn.

My 15yr old daughter has her period but she's in a lot of pain this time. She finally crawled out of bed and came to the kitchen to get some tea. He was just standing there looking. I looked up at him, expecting him to say something because of the way he was looking at us. We made eye contact and he gave me the nastiest reaction and said "da fuck you looking at?" I say "nothing, why are you standing there with that stupid look on your face?". His response was "your fucking mother, fuck you!" Then went on talking about how I insulted him and he was just looking at his daughter and I didn't have to open my mouth and say shit, so shut up if I had nothing good to say.

Now, I'm not excusing what I did but my response to him was based on the nasty ass look he gave me when I looked over to see him staring at us. Then for him to ask what the fuck i was looking at immediately pissed me off. Also, stupid face is a line he uses on all of us on a regular but I've learned that he can say what he want, when he wants but I can't.

His going straight to full on enemy mode has became my norm. I don't even flinch anymore. I've learned that he will never see his faults, meaning he never apologizes. I, in turn stopped apologizing because it's not always my fault and I'm tired of carrying the burden of blame after years of doing it.

Honestly, I'm waiting for him to leave and serve me divorce papers, I'm actually looking forward to it. This marriage has become toxic and neither one of us is happy, so why bother?

I never expected us to be over but then again, alot has changed over the years, including us. I don't hate him, in fact I do love him, which is why I want him to just go. It seems as though his heart and head is someplace else and I'm ok with him pursuing that. I'd rather be alone that be broken down in front of my children at every chance he gets.