Is it wrong to not want visitors?

Question

I have no clue what group to post this in, and it’s probably a really dumb question. But I’m half way through my first pregnancy and I’m getting very anxious about having my baby. Don’t get me wrong I’m so incredibly excited to have him, and hold him. But I’m very nervous and find myself getting worked up about things. One thing that’s really been bothering me is the fact that I don’t want visitors after I have him. ( I’m due in September so hopefully these virus restrictions will be lifted.) I feel like it’s such a vulnerable time, and I feel that my boyfriend and I need time to adjust to being first time parents. This isn’t something I’ve talked to him at all about because I’m so scared he’ll be upset. I know his mom would be livid if she found out that’s how I was feeling. And really the only people I’d be comfortable being around after giving birth is my boyfriend and my own mom anyways. I just feel as though everyone else will have plenty of time to see him once we get him home. And I really don’t need the extra stress or pressure of trying to look/feel presentable for visitors after having a baby. Is this thing?  Has anyone else ever felt this way? I could really use come advise.

Answer

If you’re planning to stay in the hospital the normal amount of time and have your mom come visit, it does seem unfair to exclude his mom from visiting at least the second or third day. That said, in the current circumstances, you should probably have a conversation with your OB and pediatrician as you get closer to your due date so you can understand what precautions should be in place and what visitor policies will be. The situation should hopefully improve but the virus will still be a risk. At present, we aren’t allowed to have any visitors in our hospitals. So my husband will have to leave within an hour or two of the birth and then I’ll be discharged within 24-36 hours if all is ok. And I’m not currently planning on having any visitors at home for the baby for the first few weeks and possibly few months.

Answer

I can relate, I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently even though I’m much earlier in my pregnancy than you are! I tried broaching the subject with my husband the other day like ‘having a new baby is very physical and I will need time to rest and recover, and we will want time with our baby by ourselves’ but he either didn’t quite get what I was saying or was choosing to ignore it. It will be his mum who would be hurt by it, but I like my own space and I don’t want to cause arguments because I’m tired and grumpy and just want my own baby in my arms 😣

Answer

I didn't allow visitors at the hospital. I didn't even tell my family when I went into labor. After she was born I let family know she was here but no one could come and visit. I didn't have any visitors at home until she was almost a month old

Answer

The restrictions are going to be lifted by September but the risk will still be there.  You’ll also be entering into cold and flu season as well.  I’d ask your dr what they recommend as well.  My obgyn said that they normally recommend the first month no visitors or holding the baby and especially now highly recommend that unless people are quarantining.  My baby is due in June and has a medical condition that puts him in the high risk category for catching covid but also a common cold could turn into a 2 week hospitalization so I’m going to ask his pediatrician and specialist but truthfully don’t plan on anyone holding or visiting him for the first 4-6months.  If it’s what’s best for the baby and a drs recommendation they can be upset but shouldn’t be mad since the baby’s health should come first.

Answer

Not wrong at all. I allowed visitors with my first baby because I was excited to show her off. Next time, I will not be allowing visitors until I’m home. Those first few days in the hospital are the happiest days of my life. I’m sad I shared so much of that time passing baby back and forth when my husband and I should’ve been spending it as a family with our baby.

Answer

I have these same concerns; my twins will most likely arrive early November. We told parents this weekend and they already asked if they could be there 😅 I’m just not going to worry about it until we get closer.

Answer

I let everyone in after I had my daughter but next time it wont happen anyone other than grandparents will get denied and even they wont be there the whole time. I regretted all those ppl being there as soon as they piled into our room.

Answer

Do what is right for you and don’t worry about anyone else. It’s one of those times you don’t have to worry about their feelings and they can suck it up. It was easier for us to not tell mil I was in labor she assumes he would be in room never asked me or anything and she has a big mouth and only wanted to see the baby. I told my husband I don’t want to tell anyone when I’m in labor and call when I’m comfortable and no visitors at hospital. Just stand your ground and don’t let anyone talk you into anything outside your comfort zone. Good luck momma❤️

Answer

I very highly doubt that hospitals are going to allow visitors by September besides your support person.  So this discussion may be a moot point right now. I would wait and see how that's going to play out. If the hospital doesn't allow visitors (which I anticipate) then just blame it on the hospital. No point in raising hurt feelings for nothing.

Answer

When I did meet and greets with pediatricians, I asked what they recommended. My baby is due end of September. 
Basically, my parents and sister are allowed to visit since they are high risk and keeping safe. They aren’t traveling and getting groceries delivered. They are limiting exposure just like we are so therefore they are safe to visit with baby. My brother, his wife and their kids are NOT allowed to see the baby for at least 2-3 months. He said babies are most vulnerable during that timeframe and since kids are germy and will most likely be back in school by that point, he advised we stay clear and keep our distance from them. As for my in-laws, since they need to travel here, they will need to stay at their home down here for 2 weeks as a quarantine before they are allowed to meet the baby. I think they plan to come down in early September so when baby comes they will already have quarantined. 
We are setting standards based on our doctors and letting people know that we will do whatever our doctor recommends since our son’s safety is our only priority. 
Do what feels right, listen to your gut to keep your child safe. If his mom is putting herself at risk and getting exposed to possible viruses then tell her no.

Is it wrong to not want visitors?

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