Mental breakdown,does life get better?

My anxiety after having my third daughter is so bad I don’t even realize and surprise myself how my body reacts it scares me,I just switched medication hoping it will help, today my husband tried to give me a massage and got on top of me and I literally felt like I forgot to breathe, it gave me so much anxiety but anxiety that made me fear for my life and never before had I felt this kind of anxiety with my husband I had to remind myself to breathe because I felt like I would forget and I wanted to cry because why is this my life why do I have anxiety so bad I get tremors and hurt my own mouth pressing on it with my tongue without even realizing I was doing it, I just want this to stop I am so broken right now it’s seems like I can’t get fixed please tell me it will be okay, I have an phone appointment with a councilor tomorrow and I don’t know how to explain all this without feeling like she might think I’m crazy like why I have a beautiful family and I have to be this fucked up sometimes I do have thoughts it would be better for them if I just died because I’m just a mess