Alcoholic father

My dad has been an alcoholic his whole life and now that I’m an adult I’ve realized how much damage he has done by “ being in my life”. I’m quick to explode, sometimes I’m not able to communicate cause I get so angry I start to cry and it affects my relationships with friends and partners. I try sooooo hard to not explode on people by meditating but sometimes it doesn’t work. Like literally all my dad does is talk shit which I brush it off but it’s still annoying cause it’s like you’re a drunk you do nothingggg can’t even be there for your kids emotionally. What are some things that help you guys?