this is sort of long so i’m going to try and shorten it.

so to give you a little bit of a backstory, i’m 17 and my boyfriend is 18. we’ve been together for two years, and his family has made me apart of them which i absolutely love. he’s my first real love, i’m his first real girlfriend. both of our parents are planning on us getting married and his mom brings up grandkids all the damn time lol

anyways, i’ve been at his house for the past few days and while he goes to work i hang out with his mom. she had him at 17 so she’s closer in age to us than most parents which is a lot of why i love talking to her.

she was super emotional yesterday and i didn’t know this until last night when my boyfriend got home, but it was because his uncle passed away a few years ago and 5 years ago two days ago was when he and my boyfriends mom were talking on facebook and it just made her emotions super raw.

which made me think

when my emotions are super raw, more truths about how i’m feeling come out. and i think that’s what happened to her

she didn’t cry talking about her late brother or her older brother who will always have guilt for treating their brother the way he did. she cried when she talked about me and my boyfriend.

i was actually shocked by this. because she lives with 3 boys (2 sons and hubby) so she always just seems to have super tough skin. not yesterday (understandably!!!)

she told me that she sees so much of her teenage self in me. my straight As, my goal orientation, my plans, my dreams of going into healthcare, etc. but she never got to do any of that because her job became being a mom. and even when she decided to start college and go down that path, her brother died and she ran out of credits, so she feels so stuck.

the reason she said she was crying is because she knows that if i’m going to college and meeting new people on the same intelligence level as me, i’m going to find a man who’s more put together in life than my boyfriend and has more going for him because if she hadn’t had my boyfriend she said she doesn’t know if she and his dad would still be together (implying that maybe if she had gone to college, she would have found someone more like herself).

she just knows where he’s going in life, because he can barely finish high school right now. he’s going to be a senior this year and still hasn’t passed geometry- a class you take in the tenth grade. i’m not shit talking him in the slightest, don’t get me or his mom wrong, i love this boy and so does she, i just know that school is not going to be the route he takes to his money in life. his mom knows, my mom knows, and everyone’s okay with it of course, they just know that i’ll be the one who carries us along our whole lives.

his mom told me she always tells him to treat me right and not get me pregnant because it’ll fuck it all up for both of us then, just like she feels it did for her sometimes, which makes her cry more even saying out loud.

i knew everything she was saying before she even said it, but to hear it out loud from someone so important to both of our lives made it kind of hit me. if i’m going to be with him for the rest of my life, some things are going to need to change now. especially if i’m going to be the one who’s working my ass off to make sure we’re stable

for instance, even at his house, i’m the one who cleans HIS room majority of the time. his parents ask him to clean something up? sometimes its “hey baby can you clean that while i’m gone?” and then it gets little to no recognition when it’s done.

i guess where i’m going with this is that i’m scared that i’m going to be the only one that does anything in the relationship when we’re adults. his dad is the same way, just in a bigger size, but he makes the money so that’s why my bfs mom does everything else. it would be different if he was going to go to school for 10 years to get a degree and i stayed home all day and cleaned and had a meal ready for him when he got home. no. i’m scared it’s going to be: get up, go to work, come home, clean the house, cook dinner, clean up and repeat. that’s what it is now, minus the working part. i do EVERYTHING for him. even his mom asks him, “what are you gonna do if you ever have to be on your own?” all the time because even she knows he’s not self sufficient at all. what’s gonna happen if we have kids? then is it gonna be kids ON TOP of everything else i’m doing?

i love him so much and obviously i’m not going to leave the relationship over something i don’t even know for certain but i just feel like that’s exactly what my future is going to look like and i don’t want to end up feeling stuck like my mom did. if you made it this far thank you for reading and feel free to leave any advice❤️