Lately I’ve just been feeling lost.

I’ve been with my SO for 7.5 years now. (We are NOT engaged or married) We’ve been great friends for 14 years. We have a house and a one year old together. And although we have all of this together, it seems as though nothing has changed for him. At all. Regardless of all the responsibility we have in our lives, he still gets to live it as if there isn’t anything he needs to be concerned with.

He goes out drinking with friends one night every weekend. I don’t hear from him the entire time and he stays out until 3-4am. The next day, he sleeps until 11-12 and then naps or plays video games throughout the day. Meanwhile, I’m taking care of our son. Doing everything. Cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, naps, bath, bed. All of it. If I take my son outside to play, he stays in and sits on his phone watching videos or plays video games. If I’m cooking dinner, he plays video games. From the time he gets home from work until I put our son to bed, he’s playing video games.

If I get upset about him going out so much and staying out late, my feelings are dismissed because “everyone is sleeping, it’s not that big of a deal”. I don’t mind that he goes out every so often. I do believe that parents need that time to themselves. So I never stop him from going out. My problem is that I never hear from him, he sleeps in so late the next day and then doesn’t help me at all. I would love to go out with my friends here and there but I usually don’t because he doesn’t enjoy watching our son. If i have plans during the day, he expects me to take our son with me.

Lately, he doesn’t help with anything regardless. I do everything. And now that I’m working from home, he sees me as a SAHM and expects me to do everything. Cooking, cleaning, food shopping..... I still have to WORK. He never gives me money for food. If I bring it up that he doesn’t help and never gives me money, doesn’t help with our son or around the house, his response will be “you never ASKED”. Sorry, but I don’t believe I should ever have to ask a grown 30 yr old man to help with his son. I thought this was supposed to be a team.... I’m not his mother. Not his maid. Not his personal chef (I do love cooking though and he doesn’t know how but he always expects me to have meals planned and know what we’re eating for dinner every night).

We don’t have date nights. Ever. If I bring it up, the response will be “you never asked. You also never plan anything”. Anytime something upsets me, there’s always an excuse or response to dismiss my feelings on the subject. When we spend time together, we watch tv or a movie. That’s it.

At this point, I don’t know if I’m just missing a point of view. Or maybe I’m just being too critical. Or maybe my points are actually valid. He makes me feel like anything I feel negatively about, is wrong. He’ll instantly get mad at me and tell me “I don’t even know why we’re having this argument right now”. Just so he can end the conversation. Or he’ll get up and walk away while saying he doesn’t have time for my bulls**t and cursing under his breath.

I guess this is more of a venting post. But advice is welcome. I’m not sure if it’s worth staying or if maybe I need to accept things will never change and do what’s best for myself for once... If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading 😔

*edit* I just wanted to add that I do bring up things that bother me or that I’d like to have more help around the house and with our son. He either gets mad that I said anything at all because he doesn’t agree with my feelings on the subject OR he’ll change for a week or two and go right back to the way it was.*